Friday, December 31, 2010

You Can Be Loved....I put my hope there

More words from Jen Lemen......I hang my hope on her words. I know them to be true, but to trust enough to let them guide me. I can be loved even if you no longer love me....

You Can Be Loved

manzanita sunset on rocks
even if you are not perfect
even if you don’t know the answer
even if you are horribly confused
even if you can’t make anyone feel better
even if you don’t know how to make yourself well
even if you made a mistake
even if you don’t know how to be
even if you are ashamed
even if you are hopeless
even if you don’t quite fit in
even if you are scared
even if you are lonely
even if you shouldn’t be having such a hard time right now
even if you don’t think so
even if you haven’t found your place yet
even if you aren’t proud of yourself
even if no one has really seen you before
even if you don’t know what to do
even if you try too hard
even if you’re disappointed
even if you don’t really like yourself right now
even if you are beyond good advice
even if you don’t know how to cry
even if you think this post must be meant for someone other than you.


Jen Lemen

You Can Be Loved

Friday, December 24, 2010

Live------Strong

SOME 
love
me 
even when i'm prickly...



SOME
are 
unwaivering
in their 
love

I love my porcupine....



Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Reminder: Everyone Needs Respect and Love


Jen speaks to my aching heart....reaching out, like a hand to hold...
tiny reminders that somehow it'll all be okay. To trust my own heart.
I'm trying to listen....

Monday, December 20, 2010

A Beautiful Pink Moment arrived tonight

Thank you for taking the time to make a beautiful Pink Moment for me.....
I so needed this....thank you for taking care of me.

Invisible Pink Moments

 Grief seems to have attached itself to me and I can't seem to shake it loose. I'm having trouble finding my "Pink Moments" this month. There has been much upheaval and loss.

The sudden loss of my only uncle, my mother's brother just before Thanksgiving, and weeks later my cousin is diagnosed with an aggressive tumor on his brain and is gone in less than two weeks. All I can think is how devastating for my Aunt to lose her brother and her son so close.... my heart aches for them. I feel it all.

And here, my own life is shattering. The future I thought was my life has changed direction and I find it difficult to see any Pink Moments right now. So I think....just get through. In the new year, some of the dust will settle and I will somehow find my way, find the path, gather my friends and ones who love me and somehow I will find a way to see the new life that is creating itself.  I will be better for it, intellectually I know this, but not my heart----my heart only knows the path it began 24 years ago. That was only only path I ever considered.

I grieve the little girl, I grieve the daughter, I grieve the mother, I grieve broken ties, I grieve lost love, I grieve the shredded pieces that I am left holding.....looking for ways to trust in a better future.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Depths of Love


Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.---Kahlil Gibran

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I do not want to re-create.

Re-Create:

: to give new life or freshness to : refresh 

I do not want to re-create, probably one of the only times I will ever say this. I do not want to re-create my life. The foundation that I was built on crumbled and collapsed. My identity as a daughter no longer exists and my place as 'one of 6 children' is no longer part of who I am. And now I find myself as 'the mother', not the wife, partner, friend...

I do not want to re-create.  

I can not find the 'box' this time---and if I can't find the box, how can I possibly, think outside it.

I don't have the tools, the experience, the plans for this project. It is not my own. It is too scary, like the first cut of expensive fabric, fragile like vintage lace, delicate like old linen that you barely can touch....

Once beautiful, but now full of holes----

Now, I have to trust. Inspiration will come. I am wired to still see the beauty, forgiving the holes and brokenness as part of it's journey, of being loved.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Hold on


      Buy your own flowers.
      Trust yourself.
      Breathe.
      Make small steps.
      Be patient.
      Live with integrity.
      Grow.
      Demand respect.
      Stay true to yourself.
      Believe all things are possible.
      Breathe.
      Take care of yourself.
      Turn your face to the sun.
      Hold on.
      Breathe.
      Trust yourself.
      Buy your own flowers.
      
      
      

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Support someone's dream

The "roots of She"  is coming. A new blog that "tells the story of the female experience, in all of its shapes, sizes and forms. This is a safe space to talk about the wide range of experiences that women have, this is a space that will let other women know that they aren't alone, that no matter what, there is someone out there that knows what she is going through".-Kind Over Matter


One of their tribe is Darrah Parker, and she said this on her blog, a sentiment I agree with:


"If you don't purchase anything from me for whatever reason, that's totally cool! But I hope you will consider supporting other artists this season. This blog post is bigger than me. It's about standing up as artists and solopreneurs and not being afraid or ashamed to ask for what we need. I know I am not the only one out there trying to live their dreams and pay the bills, so do your small part and buy a CD, shop on Etsy, shop local, support someone's dream, or purchase something handmade this holiday season. You'll feel good about knowing where your money is going and the artist will be forever grateful."


We all need a little help, a little hand at our back, gently nudging us forward, toward our dreams. I know for me. I am looking for some little sign that I am on the right path....that pursuing my role as an artisan is not a far fetched dream, little more than a hobby, but maybe just maybe I am on the thresh-hold of of my new life. It is hard to "believe" some days, that something bigger is coming. I can only hope that these are my "signs"--finding others on the same path, other women who whose message to me is that "I am enough", to have hope, to "believe"...they know it is a scary path and yet they say go anyway. So I hope that is a sign. 


I need to find my way to the path, and if I am not on it, please point me in the right direction. Advise, guide, share your wisdom, critique, herd me to where I need to go....  

Monday, November 29, 2010

Message to Self: You are not late....


"It's never too late to become the 
person you might have been." 
- George Elliot 

Friday, November 26, 2010

It's Complicated...yes, it is....

Probably nothing is truer. It's complicated. It sure is.....

Maybe I should say I am complicated. A friend told me recently that one of the things I run up against is a person for whom everything is in a "box"---self-contained and not at all connected to anything else. So conversations are difficult. When I give examples, they get put into their own box, and can't be seen as small parts of a bigger whole.

For me, my life is big tangle ball of yarn...all connected, sometimes overlapping, sometimes close together, sometimes pulling out smoothly and sometimes knotted and tangled---but none the less "all connected".

Thats the way everything is inside me....all attached, all hinged, all growing together like a field of barnacles. My ideas, what excites me, all start with the same root and grow off in wild directions. They come in pictures, I can "see" how wonderful they could be. I am full of the "what if" and "we could" and "imagine it"---oh, it would be so cool. Can't you just see it?


I didn't dare say out loud for a long time....something I have daydreamed about, toyed with for more than 30 years---seeing my name followed by "artist/author". Poetry and prose, and journals. I always say that when I'm gone then my words will be found, words and art from my "tragic years", crazy folk art, and more.


I don't want to wait until then. I need this to be part of my life-TODAY. I need a new life, because this one is far too complicated. I need to be surrounded by people who can see outside the box, who are willing to embrace me and my tangled chain of life, feel enveloped by it. I need people with me who say, yes, do your thing and it'll be great. People who help me be more of who I am....

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Fascination: My True Direction

http://jenlemen.com
I can't seem to get enough of Jen Lemen....I think she knows my heart. Her art inspires me to "believe", to not shake off the crumbs of my dreams, that they are not so outlandish.

"There is an unseen Life that dreams us.."oh, yes, I hope so. I feel as though I am standing at the edge, just out of the dark and into the shadows. I am waiting there looking in fascination at all the ideas that at are bubbling over, hatching and dragging their friends along. I am waiting there, wondering if I really have enough, wondering which path to take first, knowing now that you never could see the paths and I will go alone.

I am thankful that for many reflections the universe keeps offering, that remind me to trust, trust that it will be okay. I will be okay.

Thank you Jen for the gentle nudges and strength you have shared.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Missing You Thanksgiving Day Sale

Missing You 
in honor of those who can't be with us today, November 24, 2010.

Look Now....EVERYTHING is on sale.



Future

I hope the future looks like...
http://jenlemen.com/blog/
  • my name followed by the title "artist/author"
  • a studio/office filled with light and inspiration
  • has a page that says I was a good mother
  • still remembering what it is to be a teen and how to listen
  • my children are happy and loved
  • I found my way to continue to believe I am enough
  • contentment and security
  • no fear or loneliness
  • a tranquil spot on the beach to renew my soul
  • I colored outside the lines
  • I did not fit in the box
  • an end to the tragic years that have trampled my heart
  • I can believe again
  • All things are possible.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Feedback?

So. tell me what do you think? No one talks to me....I babble away. Too much personal craziness? More how to? Are you interested in my random thoughts? Do you wish my books were different? Do they speak to you? Are you still scratching your head? Do you wish I had already written quotes in them? Why don't you want to buy them? Are you making your own? What do you wish was here for you? Am I too slow, should I post more often? I am insecure and needy. I thought you would love me more. Embrace the YB Craziness....I see you looking, but that is it.....what can I do?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Where All The Wild and Feverish Ideas Hop About

The grayness of the days has dulled my lens...there where all the wild and feverish ideas hop about, it is cloudy and they can only hop like turtles and complain. I need the SUN.

With my face to the sun....

  • I blossom, my excited face grins and I can not speak fast enough to get it all out.
  • tension melts away like butter on the stove.
  • I am content.
  • I can find the beauty of the day.
  • Ideas swirl, roll and evolve and I want to try a million new things and then share them with you..
With my face to the sun...
  • I am transported to my youth...I can smell the geraniums, and the dusty books, and molasses cake as I sit on my grandmother's porch reading and basking in the sunshine.
  • I can almost smell the roses and the lilacs.
  • I am kissed by the sea.
With my face in the sun...
  • I am renewed...
Please come back, Mr. Sun.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Can you see me?

Sweaters to knit, socks to craft, books to make, stories to write, bags and tags to make, marbles to collect, cookies to decorate, life to manage, photos to take, hissy fits to have, places to go, stuff to organize, laundry, stew to make, rant and vent here, coffee to drink, blog, check stats on YB Crazy, promote, wish, dream, be lonely, miss my mother, get gas, crochet tags, pick up kids, laundry, shoes, dishes,cry, wonder why, get dressed, make frosting, think about cookies....yeah...6:40am...be still my mind....

Bliss of Being Seen

Saturday, November 13, 2010

And so it begins....the Cookies

I have successfully avoided all talk of "the cookies" all year, but now it is here. The baking begins today. My sister Marie and I will bake at least 50 dozen cookies this am and by the afternoon, hopefully there will be some little elves helping to get them glazed so they can be decorated.

In the next several weeks we will make and decorate over 226 dozen sugar cookies and we won't even talk about the other cookies that we will bake. There are approximately 600 dz cookies at the sale and it sells out barely over an hour.

Taste and beauty. That's what we aim for.

I always tell my sister Marie that she is the "church mother". She has been at the First Baptist Church of Medfield for at least 45 years. It's like her second home. She just doesn't have a bed there, but she may as well have.... She spends a lot of time there. She is devoted. She cooks for the church, she cleans up after it, she clucks when things are not put away as they should  be and she takes all the calls, she is the one people look to for the answers--just like a mother. She mothers the church. She is stable and reliable and always there, always has a hand in it.

She comes to me and helps whenever she can, she washes load after load of laundry to help me catch up, she  helps me brain-storm and man the fort when my tribe overwhelms me. She gives.... so who am I to complain about the baking of the cookies. We have fun together. We work well. It is a joy to use my talents to help my sister support her church, that has supported her through so many milestones of her life. Besides, if the "mother" needs help, you help, right?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

On Most Days...

  • I need to "mother" someone.
  • I want to "make" something.
  • I can't get enough quiet time to think ALL my thoughts.
  • I do not want to do the laundry.
  • I am delighted by some odd random thing.
  • I have a hard time getting away from the computer.
  • I wish I was much smaller.
  • I feel behind, overwhelmed, scattered...
  • I hope that there will be letters in my mailbox.
  • I wonder "why".
  • I think I don't understand people.
  • I expect people to do the right thing and am surprised if they don't.
  • I don't feel bad for not keeping up with the Jones.
  • I am happy to be slightly eccentric.
  • I dread the ring of the phone.
  • I miss my mother.
  • My mind is full of a train of ideas.
  • I laugh because I have all the marbles.
  • I am awake too early.
  • I talk to my sister, who has to be my frontal lobe...my organizer.
  • I am seeking something new.
  • I am working on finding myself again.
  • I think about where everyone else hides their clutter.
  • I wonder what people do, who don't "make stuff".
  • I want to READ.
  • I worry.
  • I wonder...what am I going to do?

What do you think? Funny or not?


This makes me laugh...
I found this among my mother's things. A pamphlet from the 60's, I guess...The National Meat Council promoting the use of lard.

I just went to the store for a frame so I could hang it up. 
I thought it complimented the post card I purchased on Etsy from Thoughtful Old Rose


Sunday, November 7, 2010

Isn't this breathtaking....it's a Healing Heart from Jo in New Zealand. I found my way to her blog after I stumbled upon her Lovely Christmas stocking ornaments that are trimmed with tatting. I wish I had a Healing Heart like this...

Saturday, November 6, 2010

What kind of superhero would you be?

  What kind of superhero would you be? What would YOUR superpowers be? That's what April from http://www.blacksburgbelle.com/ asked in her article. She said "The thing that makes me unique and if magnified by 50, would become my super power."
So how would you answer that


I said my "craziness" and my sister said my excitement...
When I find something new I get so excited. I love to have show and tell. I can't wait to share what I have found, what my next dream is , the project....


Can't you hear me?

  •  "Its's easy. 
  • And we could do this or maybe that.....
  • what if it was made of this color? 
  • Let's modify it....before we even begin. 
  • It'll be fun. 
  • I can just "see" it...Can't you?"



It's like the Christmas aprons I made a couple of years ago, because I wanted a new fun apron to make all those cookies we bake for the church Cookie Walk. So I was making myself an apron but this is what happened.

  

  If you want to make some Christmas cookies


  then you’ll want to make an apron.
 And if you make yourself an apron,
 then you’ll want to make one for your sister.
 And if you make one for one sister
 then you’ll want to make one for your other sister.
 And if you make aprons for your sisters
then of course you’ll need to make one for your Mother.
And if you make aprons for yourself, your sisters and your Mother
then your daughter will want one too…
it’s a good thing there’s only one daughter or
you might not get time to wear the apron you made to make the cookies…
Don’t forget to wear the aprons and to make the cookies!!!
          Love,Yo-Jean

So not only did One apron become Five, but it also had to include a little poem for the pockets.....a story, some giggle and lots of love.

Make Stuff!! Spread the light within....oh, and can you come help make the cookies this year? Because I'm not feeling the excitement for that 120 dozen + (yes DOZENs) sugar cookies. I want to knit baby socks and little hats with sprouts!

How's that for a SuperPower?!! What's yours?


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Empower Your Children

This morning I came across an article about Kind Over Matter, a blog about Kind Acts, Inspirational Art & Kind Projects.

Isn't that a great thought....supporting artists and making a positive mark on the world? 
What will you leave behind?  


Art and Creativity are at my roots, they breathe life into me and without them I would stumble aimlessly. The excitement of new ideas hatching is at times overwhelming. There are just too many things to try, to learn, to create. Joy in the making and in the giving.

What does a person do, that doesn't create? I have no experience with that. How do you not dream, imagine, learn and make? Without those things I am a shell of who I am....I am empty. And even when I can not create something new , there are words, swirling in my mind and they find their way to paper to save my sanity. 

I watched my mother make everything. She was so excited to learn something new and took great pleasure in sharing what she had learned. As a girl, I marveled at her ability to cut out a dress pattern without pins, only laying some kitchen knives on the pattern piece to keep them in place as she laid them out. Years of practice and skills---from what I could see, there was nothing that she couldn't do. Today, some people say that about me. I feel very lucky.

You see, no one ever told me that I couldn't. I was never made to feel less than. All things were possible. I don't know how to start with "beginner", I somehow forget it is not me who has the 80 years of knitting experience. Often this leads to trouble when I modify things before starting and with no knowledge about how it goes.....that doesn't matter, does it.

So here is my thought on a bit of kindness....for those of you with children, especially preteen and teens---
Find as many ways as you can, to remind them that they are Extraordinary ...because too many of them are caught in feelings that somehow who they are, isn't good enough. 

In the past two months, there have been too many teens in my circle that are feeling badly about themselves. They are silently crying out to feel worthy. They are hurting themselves physically, they talk about wanting to never wake up. They feel "less than"....they feel unheard....

You might ask how they are or what is happening in their lives, but are you really listening. Are you listening when they don't talk? Are you listening to the day to day stuff, so maybe, just maybe, they'll talk about the big stuff?

Remind them of all the things they are good at...and you know, that might not be school. Maybe they are a great friend. Do they look out for their friends, do they help them when they can? That's a pretty great skill to have. Are they compassionate? Do they care deeply, sometimes to their own detriment? Still a great trait to have, maybe they just need help in filtering those feelings so they aren't overwhelmed. 

So remind them, like you did when they were little, that they can do anything! That they are wonderful, strong, creative, compassionate, loving, fabulous, funny, smart, gifted, talented, amazing and a zillion other adjectives that you can dream up.

Empower your children, show them that you are now and forever will be, behind them in what they dream.




Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sharing the Love...


I just found an easy way to link fun treasuries from Etsy to my Blog. I thought I'd share some of other peoples wonderful things. I hope that when you think about your Christmas shopping this year you will think outside the box. Support you local talented Etsians and small businesses. Help someone like you reach your goals, help them support themselves doing what they LOVE...you know that would make for more HAPPY people and a better chance at Peace on Earth.

Change the attitude of the world around you. Support these individuals.

'Tantrum' by ybcrazy

My morning tantrum.....


STERLING SILVER NECKLACE WIT...
$

VooDoo Doll for Overcoming O...
$25.00

Do what you Love - Love What...
$25.00

Little Pink Houses - 5x7 can...
$14.00

Warning Leave Me Alone I'...
$12.00

Free Chain with the purchase...
$5.00

Set of 6 She Believed flat c...
$

Vintage Rhinestone Buttons, ...
$

GOOD KARMA VOODOO DOLL CHARM
$15.25

Cranky-Fair Warning Pendant
$10.00

Keep Calm Parody No. 2 Freak...
$

eli
$35.00

Love Bots - Kokeshi Doll Cak...
$40.00

Home-Grown Blueberries
$15.99

Notebook Altered Mini Compos...
$

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