Friday, December 31, 2010

You Can Be Loved....I put my hope there

More words from Jen Lemen......I hang my hope on her words. I know them to be true, but to trust enough to let them guide me. I can be loved even if you no longer love me....

You Can Be Loved

manzanita sunset on rocks
even if you are not perfect
even if you don’t know the answer
even if you are horribly confused
even if you can’t make anyone feel better
even if you don’t know how to make yourself well
even if you made a mistake
even if you don’t know how to be
even if you are ashamed
even if you are hopeless
even if you don’t quite fit in
even if you are scared
even if you are lonely
even if you shouldn’t be having such a hard time right now
even if you don’t think so
even if you haven’t found your place yet
even if you aren’t proud of yourself
even if no one has really seen you before
even if you don’t know what to do
even if you try too hard
even if you’re disappointed
even if you don’t really like yourself right now
even if you are beyond good advice
even if you don’t know how to cry
even if you think this post must be meant for someone other than you.

Jen Lemen

You Can Be Loved

Friday, December 24, 2010


even when i'm prickly...

in their 

I love my porcupine....

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Reminder: Everyone Needs Respect and Love

Jen speaks to my aching heart....reaching out, like a hand to hold...
tiny reminders that somehow it'll all be okay. To trust my own heart.
I'm trying to listen....

Monday, December 20, 2010

A Beautiful Pink Moment arrived tonight

Thank you for taking the time to make a beautiful Pink Moment for me.....
I so needed this....thank you for taking care of me.

Invisible Pink Moments

 Grief seems to have attached itself to me and I can't seem to shake it loose. I'm having trouble finding my "Pink Moments" this month. There has been much upheaval and loss.

The sudden loss of my only uncle, my mother's brother just before Thanksgiving, and weeks later my cousin is diagnosed with an aggressive tumor on his brain and is gone in less than two weeks. All I can think is how devastating for my Aunt to lose her brother and her son so close.... my heart aches for them. I feel it all.

And here, my own life is shattering. The future I thought was my life has changed direction and I find it difficult to see any Pink Moments right now. So I think....just get through. In the new year, some of the dust will settle and I will somehow find my way, find the path, gather my friends and ones who love me and somehow I will find a way to see the new life that is creating itself.  I will be better for it, intellectually I know this, but not my heart----my heart only knows the path it began 24 years ago. That was only only path I ever considered.

I grieve the little girl, I grieve the daughter, I grieve the mother, I grieve broken ties, I grieve lost love, I grieve the shredded pieces that I am left holding.....looking for ways to trust in a better future.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Depths of Love

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.---Kahlil Gibran

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I do not want to re-create.


: to give new life or freshness to : refresh 

I do not want to re-create, probably one of the only times I will ever say this. I do not want to re-create my life. The foundation that I was built on crumbled and collapsed. My identity as a daughter no longer exists and my place as 'one of 6 children' is no longer part of who I am. And now I find myself as 'the mother', not the wife, partner, friend...

I do not want to re-create.  

I can not find the 'box' this time---and if I can't find the box, how can I possibly, think outside it.

I don't have the tools, the experience, the plans for this project. It is not my own. It is too scary, like the first cut of expensive fabric, fragile like vintage lace, delicate like old linen that you barely can touch....

Once beautiful, but now full of holes----

Now, I have to trust. Inspiration will come. I am wired to still see the beauty, forgiving the holes and brokenness as part of it's journey, of being loved.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Hold on

      Buy your own flowers.
      Trust yourself.
      Make small steps.
      Be patient.
      Live with integrity.
      Demand respect.
      Stay true to yourself.
      Believe all things are possible.
      Take care of yourself.
      Turn your face to the sun.
      Hold on.
      Trust yourself.
      Buy your own flowers.