Monday, December 20, 2010

Invisible Pink Moments

 Grief seems to have attached itself to me and I can't seem to shake it loose. I'm having trouble finding my "Pink Moments" this month. There has been much upheaval and loss.

The sudden loss of my only uncle, my mother's brother just before Thanksgiving, and weeks later my cousin is diagnosed with an aggressive tumor on his brain and is gone in less than two weeks. All I can think is how devastating for my Aunt to lose her brother and her son so close.... my heart aches for them. I feel it all.

And here, my own life is shattering. The future I thought was my life has changed direction and I find it difficult to see any Pink Moments right now. So I think....just get through. In the new year, some of the dust will settle and I will somehow find my way, find the path, gather my friends and ones who love me and somehow I will find a way to see the new life that is creating itself.  I will be better for it, intellectually I know this, but not my heart----my heart only knows the path it began 24 years ago. That was only only path I ever considered.

I grieve the little girl, I grieve the daughter, I grieve the mother, I grieve broken ties, I grieve lost love, I grieve the shredded pieces that I am left holding.....looking for ways to trust in a better future.

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