Friday, November 26, 2010

It's Complicated...yes, it is....

Probably nothing is truer. It's complicated. It sure is.....

Maybe I should say I am complicated. A friend told me recently that one of the things I run up against is a person for whom everything is in a "box"---self-contained and not at all connected to anything else. So conversations are difficult. When I give examples, they get put into their own box, and can't be seen as small parts of a bigger whole.

For me, my life is big tangle ball of yarn...all connected, sometimes overlapping, sometimes close together, sometimes pulling out smoothly and sometimes knotted and tangled---but none the less "all connected".

Thats the way everything is inside me....all attached, all hinged, all growing together like a field of barnacles. My ideas, what excites me, all start with the same root and grow off in wild directions. They come in pictures, I can "see" how wonderful they could be. I am full of the "what if" and "we could" and "imagine it"---oh, it would be so cool. Can't you just see it?

I didn't dare say out loud for a long time....something I have daydreamed about, toyed with for more than 30 years---seeing my name followed by "artist/author". Poetry and prose, and journals. I always say that when I'm gone then my words will be found, words and art from my "tragic years", crazy folk art, and more.

I don't want to wait until then. I need this to be part of my life-TODAY. I need a new life, because this one is far too complicated. I need to be surrounded by people who can see outside the box, who are willing to embrace me and my tangled chain of life, feel enveloped by it. I need people with me who say, yes, do your thing and it'll be great. People who help me be more of who I am....

1 comment:

Trece said...

What notebook is that, in the picture? Is that your handwriting?

I KNOW you are a kindred spirit. I am bound financially to my husband of 34 years. It hurts so much.

I love the sentiments on your page, and I also, soak up whatever I see there.

God bless and keep you.