I do not want to re-create.

Re-Create:

: to give new life or freshness to : refresh 

I do not want to re-create, probably one of the only times I will ever say this. I do not want to re-create my life. The foundation that I was built on crumbled and collapsed. My identity as a daughter no longer exists and my place as 'one of 6 children' is no longer part of who I am. And now I find myself as 'the mother', not the wife, partner, friend...

I do not want to re-create.  

I can not find the 'box' this time---and if I can't find the box, how can I possibly, think outside it.

I don't have the tools, the experience, the plans for this project. It is not my own. It is too scary, like the first cut of expensive fabric, fragile like vintage lace, delicate like old linen that you barely can touch....

Once beautiful, but now full of holes----

Now, I have to trust. Inspiration will come. I am wired to still see the beauty, forgiving the holes and brokenness as part of it's journey, of being loved.